it honestly just keeps feeling more and more like a dream every day.

I haven't updated this in a long time. since my last post, i've finished my semester at the Burren College of Art. I've sold a print at the end of the semester exhibit (guess that makes me a professional photographer now, hah), I've said goodbye to my new friends as we all went our separate ways (and I miss them a lot), my parents and brother (despite all the road blocks in our way) came to Ireland to visit and we spent a week just being together and exploring/experiencing/and enjoying ireland, We flew back to the states, then I went to Cleveland for a little less than a week, saw some old friends, went to some graduating students BFA reviews, and then came home to North Tonawanda. This past week I've seen some family, hung out with good friends, and have been a lazy piece of shit otherwise (no-really. I haven't done anything productive, sad I know) And minus a few details, that's pretty much it.

Maybe this summer I'll try and come up with a steady blog update schedule so this thing will be used regularly. then again I always say that and then just forget/become lazy/or procrastinate to the point where it's months before i post anything. so i guess we'll just see how it goes.

i feel bad that among all my peers here who are missing home and ready to see their friends and family again, i am not one of them. everyday i am reminded of how much people miss certain things about home and how they can't wait to see those things again. yet when i try and think of something i can't wait to see again...nothing comes to mind. it's not that i don't miss anything, but i am incredibly content with being here, in fact i'm more than content. i just wish i was more excited to go home, because i have feeling when the time does come for everyone to leave, i'm going to be a mess. god i'm going to miss everything and everyone here so much.

in other somewhat related news, i'm working on a new series in which i am calling "Maybe if I disguise myself as one of them, I'll never have to leave." Last night i made 4 plaster animal masks in which i will wear and put myself in the habitats of said animals. I also plan to take these masks home and make a series called "Maybe if I disguise myself as one of them, I can pretend to be there"

that's all for now.

What I've learned tonight: without my medication (which I haven't taken in the past 2 days due to being sick) I'm a constant over thinker and I notice every fucking detail there is. Which is both a good and bad thing. Obviously more bad than good as I'm making sure I take my meds tomorrow. I just wish the good can travel on through the meds. I really enjoyed some of the thoughts and moments I noticed tonight.

Anyway, I'm going to listen to one ore Murder by Death song and call it a night.

"Don't be sad it's over, be happy that it happened"

So Happy Easter everyone. Unfortunately for me I got some sort of stomach virus/flu thing on friday which had me pretty much bedridden until today. Yesterday when I went to bed I thought I would be alright today, and when I woke up I was okay. I walked to the craft fair with Kaetlyn and Katie, bought a couple postcards, browsed Spar (local convenient store) and just as we were going to leave, my stomach starts acting funny. We walked back and as soon as we did I hit the bathroom. And maybe it's too much info, but let's just say me and that toilet got to know each other quite well. It sucks because there's this horse race out on Boston (yes, there's a Boston in Ireland) and I wanted to go because I've never been to one. But I didn't want to go and have my stomach act up again. See it was a catch 22, I knew if I were to go, my stomach would act up and I'd be miserable. But if I stayed I would feel okay and regret not going. But I'd rather be safe than sorry so I stayed behind. So now I'm in this house all by myself and I'm going to try to make the best of it and hope my stomach doesn't disagree with me anymore today.

In other news, I have less than a month left here. And I don't want to go too much into that because just the thought of leaving here makes me incredibly upset. But I will say this has been the best experience both for my art work, and just for my personal being in general. I honestly needed this more than anything and I am so glad it went so incredibly perfectly. Every experience, every moment, every person I've met, every relationship that did or did not happen, everything. Just perfect. I know a few people are itching to go home and see their friends and family and what not. And I miss those things as well, but I've found within my life I'm always trying to find that perfect escape. I'm always running from where I am because I'm never happy there. And I'm always looking for a place that's just incredibly beautiful, full of people I know care about me and where I fit it. And I know this is going to be so fucking cliche and whatever, but I honestly believe this is that place I've been looking for literally my whole life. And now that I have to leave it makes me so sad. I know I'm never going to be able to find a place like this again and I know when I leave I'm going to be wishing every place I'm in was like this. But it won't be. However, maybe that's what's supposed to happen. Life isn't supposed to be perfect. Nothing is. That's just how it goes and I'm going to have to accept that. Which is alright. At least I got to experience something so perfect at least for a little while. And I'll always have those memories, and experiences and I hope to god I won't loose touch with all the incredible people here. Even if I do though, at least I got to have them as a friend for now. Ya know? I hope so.

Like that cliche little quote "Don't be sad it's over, be happy that it happened"

So Kaetlyn and I decided to walk home from school as we both had nothing to do there. It had been raining the past two days, and was earlier today. But it was kind of blue skies and a little sunny so we thought we could make it. We got about half way when all of a sudden it started hailing like crazy. We were being pelted with these bullet like things and just laughing hysterically about our predicament. Then it just stopped. And of course when it did this really nice lady stopped us and offered us a lift back to our house. She felt bad for us, so that was awfully nice of her.

And now we're back and it's blue skies and sunshine again. Oh this irish weather. The good news is Kaetlyn's dad sent her thin mint girl scout cookies. om nom nom.

i woke up today in a good mood. despite waking up later than planned today, and feeling sad, disappointed and somewhat embarrassed yesterday. i guess it's true, tomorrow is a new day. and you kind of just have to realize in the overall scheme of things, little things that bug you really don't matter at all. they come and go and there's no point in dwelling in them. so today i'm just going to enjoy my pajama's, the sound of the rain on my window, and my "infinite" playlist that has some of the most beautiful songs i've heard.

life is good.

it's amazing how one night can change your outlook of someone.

And Everything Was Blue

And Everything Was Blue
Originally uploaded by Megann Drmota

i shot some rolls of film with my holga recently. just got around to scanning them in (which always takes so much longer than i plan). this was one of my favorites. the landscapes here are absolutely breath taking.

also, the weather today is incredible. and it is kaetlyn's birthday as well. (Breithlá sona duit!) so go wish her a happy birthday, and enjoy this beautiful day.

NO SHAME. this is how i'm spending my saturday night. with a nice face mask and a hot shower. i'll then probably make some tea and put on a movie. i've been feeling really off today, just not myself i guess. so a night in is probably the best idea. now time to wash off this mask.

every time i start an entry i always feel like i have so much to say, but it always just comes out as pathetic rants or just boring sentences about what i've been doing lately. it's like i just can't find the words to properly say how i'm feeling or how i'm doing, so i resort back to the boring and the pathetic. it's starting to drive me crazy really. i can feel it all building it up inside, but i end up sitting here just staring at the screen as the little cursor blinks waiting for me to start typing. it's just funny because i remember once being so good as expressing how i was feeling. i was able to just write it all out and it'd be exactly what was in my head. but now i feel this disconnect from my head and the rest of me. disconnect. that's exactly what it is. not even a disconnect from me and everything/one else. but me from what i was. how i used to be. it's like i'm at this completely different stage in my life, and i'm completely enjoying every minute of it. but i miss the way i used to think. i felt like i was much more....poetic. for lack of a better term. i don't know. something is missing. but i don't feel like i'm explain myself well at all. so i'll just end it here and head off to the pub. goodnight, blog.

this is me right now, sitting in my room which is a complete mess right now. i haven't showered in a few days so the sweat from dancing last night is still lingering on my skin. my hair is a mess and my body is either dehydrated or in need of sugar because my hands wont stop trembling. i am completely distracted by everything today so i have a feeling being productive isn't on my to do list, though that wont stop be from trying.

listen to this song: insomnia by electric president.

that is all for now.

i still don't have photo's uploaded. i honestly just forget to do it. i'm sorry. but today was nice. we didn't have our usual irish studies class due to our teacher getting some kind of eye surgery thing. something about his retina? not to sure. anyway, because of that we instead decided to go back to the cliffs of moher to see our exhibit "remember the cliffs". it wasn't until the afternoon so i was able to take my time getting ready this morning, which is always nice. and the bus ride there wasn't to bad, never usually is for me as i tend to just put on my headphones and just become lost in my own thoughts. the exhibit itself was alright. it's pretty cool to be internationally shown now though, i will admit that. even if some of the other artworks were a little...questionable. but to each their own.

as of now i am waiting to skype with my parents for a bit and then kaetlyn and i are off to hang out with jesi and her mom again with a pub visit afterwords. i'm hoping for an enjoyable evening.

positive aspect of the day: listening to something corporate on the bus. i forget how much i love that band. they seriously always put me in the best of moods no matter how shitty i feel. i love them.

anyway, i'm gonna go see if kaetlyn is ready to head out. peace out boy scout.

No picture again today because I just suck. And I'm to lazy to get out my camera to upload photo's. Which would of been from the studio lighting demo my photo teacher gave today. I know, disappointing that you can't see them. But you will! Eventually. This weekend? Gah, I have so much to do.

Positive aspect of the day: Having Jill put on the bad romance video on the projector before our class started. Perfect way to start the day I might say. Oh, and the random burst of energy I got earlier tonight where I just needed to look up old disney songs and dance around the kitchen to them. Singing and dancing in general just kind of make me happy. There's just something about singing off key to something really loudly and completely making a fool of yourself as you try to dance and just not giving a fuck about how ridiculous you look. Seriously, try it sometime.

Anyway, I just came back from Jesi's mom's cottage they're renting for a few weeks and the mix of crashing from the energy burst from earlier, the food coma Jesi's mom's delicious greek chicken dinner gave me and not having enough alcohol to make me tipsy has made severely exhausted. Therefor I must sleep. Possible picture update tomorrow? Yeah don't hold your breath. Goodnight blog.

I feel like I need to start blogging more often. Yes, need. I really would like to keep a consistent blog going for my own sake and to just better organize my thoughts and my life. I'm going to try that whole "post a photo everyday" sort of thing. Starting tomorrow only because I didn't take any photo's today. Oops. I also want to post about a positive aspect of the day as I feel I do to much negative thinking. So a photo + positive thought. Everyday. Abuse me if I slip up, deal?

Today's positive thought: Instead of just thinking about how I need to get shit done, I actually starting doing it. I'm terrible with getting things done because I tend to over contemplate what I need to do, and then just end up getting distracted because I've waited too long. But not today! I'm starting this whole blogging everyday thing, I've created a new flickr (http://www.flickr.com/photos/megan_drmota/) to better organize my photo's (as well as more room as my other is almost full.) and I'm finally doing some much needed laundry.

Oh what the hell, I'll post a photo from this past weekend just because:

For my intermediate photography class my teacher had us experiment with light writing and multiple exposures (which is funny because those were the first things I did when I bought my camera a few years ago, hah) And she wanted us to write our names with light, and while staying overnight at Ireland's most haunted castle I whipped this baby out. and might i add, i was able to write my name backwards first try. I was actually pretty surprised.

But anyway, that's all for now. I'll eventually make an update about the Haunted Castle in detail later. I have 200 some photo's to go through before hand, ya know.

Have a nice day. :]

i wish i was a better blogger. maybe one day i'll actually be good at it.

Rosie

This past Wednesday, Kaetlyn and I decided to walk home from school taking the Burren Way. I've been hearing people taking it to and from school and how nice of a walk it is because it's not the main road. And they were right, it's a pretty nice walk and I must say it's really nice not having to really worry about cars hitting you. So we started walking and we came to this part of the walk where we weren't sure if we were to keep going straight or turn right. That's when Rosie showed up. Rosie is this adorable border collie who we see wandering around school every now and then. We stopped at the intersection to pet her and decided to go down that way. It turns out it was the right way, and we pretty much were lead the entire way back to our house by Rosie. She knew exactly which walls to climb over, and which way the trails go. She even followed us through the village and down our street right to our front door. We tried to get her to come inside, but she must of been trained to be an outdoors only dog because she stayed put outside. We then tried giving her water, but she wouldn't go near it. We kind of didn't know what to do at that point so we said our farewells and went inside in hopes she would find her way back. After a few minutes of just sitting outside she eventually left, and I assume made it back out. Border collies are smart dogs, and Rosie seems to know her way around pretty well. So in all it was probably the best walk back from school yet. It was nice having a companion with us. I also just love how there's so many dogs here and how they're allowed to just rome where they please. I've met some pretty adorable pups whilst being here. And a lot of them are border collies and I guess I have a soft spot for them as my dog growing up was part border collie.

When I went to take a photo of this cow we saw on our walk, it would just hide behind the wall. Cows are so shy!

This past weekend was this unofficial trad festival going on in all the pubs around Ballyvaughan. I guess it's been going on for 28 years or so, and it's basically a bunch of different musicians from Wales, Britian and Ireland coming together and playing music in all the pubs. I hear its a somewhat memorial for a fellow musician who was killed here a while back? But they more or less wander into pubs with their instruments and just start playing. It was pretty amazing to be honest. It was nice to hear some rich traditional music, just all the different instruments and singing, it was really an experience I'll never forget.

Friday night we ended up at Louges, which had some of the local musicians playing. We've seen them play before, but it was nice to hear them again.

Kaetlyn was even conned into playing the whistle for a few songs! I was really glad she did it, because she rarely plays in front of people.

This woman was so funny. Anytime she would take a sip of her drink, especially after the first sip, she would just have this look of disgust on her face. Yet she kept drinking it.

This is Mike, enjoying the wonderful sounds filling the pub.

This is Kaetlyn, also enjoying the sounds, so much so she isn't paying attention to me photographing her.

The second night we headed out a bit later than planned due to a (somewhat) failed attempt at making soda bread (by somewhat I mean it took 4 hours to make when it was supposed to be 1, and yet it still came out and it was all eaten that night.) We stopped into Greene's at first and stayed for a few songs but after a while the huge crowd in that tiny pub just got to much and we left. Shame though because the music was really beautiful there. There was even a harp! I couldn't get many pictures though, there were to many people to do so.

We left Greenes and heard some story telling and singing outside of O'Lochlains(?) and decided instead of fighting the crowd, as that pub is even smaller and we could see people standing against the doors, we stood outside and listened. We could hear them perfectly and it was a really lovely night, so we didn't mind.

But we eventually decided to go inside, and it was a good thing. Because the singing in that pub was just really captivating and it was just so much better actually seeing it and not just hearing it.

The last and final night we made sure to get out there early, even though we knew it wouldn't be as busy on a sunday night. We stopped at Greene's again and luckily most of the same musicians from the previous night were there so we got to hear them play again.

After a bit we decided to go to O'Lochlains again in hopes there would be more singing. And there was! Sad thing is my camera died, so I didn't get as many photo's as I'd like. But the experience was more than enough.

All the different music and knowing you could just walk into a pub and hear it that weekend was really a treat. I'm kind of sad that doesn't happen every weekend. It's this kind of culture I just love. The music and the togetherness it brings. It was sad though looking around and knowing we were the youngest in the pubs. It's a dying tradition and it's a shame.

My favorite thing about this country I think is that there is so much to explore. I feel like I've seen so much the month I've been here and yet I feel like there's just so much more to see. This past weekend Kaetlyn and I went on a little walk, like we usually do over the weekend it seems. I only have a few photo's as I took my holga with me and shot mostly with that. And I plan to post those whenever the film gets back to me, and I figure out how to scan them is as there is no medium format film holder for the scanners. Probably just have to free ball it.

Kaetlyn is probably one of my favorite people to photograph. She just photographs so well despite what she thinks.

The water here is so incredibly clear. It's unbelievable really. It's kind of sad that I'm just so used to the gross trash filled waters of the US. Like the canal and the river back home are just this gross green or brown color that's completely impossible to see through.

Cliffs of Moher

These images are what I'm submitting to this "Cliffs of Moher" thing our school here is participating in. I'm not sure really how I feel about them, but here they are. I'm printing them tomorrow, and then adhering it somehow to this board we all were given. I really have no choice to make it better since the deadline was today but oh well. I guess it could be worse.

Weekend adventures with Kaetlyn.

I am a terrible blogger. These images were from last week, and I just got around to editing/uploading them. Procrastination at its finest right here.

Anyway, over a week ago Kaetlyn went on this little hike of her own down this side road. She was doing it for a project, and met some pretty interesting folk I guess but also came across what seemed to be an abandoned village. Granted it was only a few houses but still, I wanted to check it out. So last Sunday she showed me the way.

Apparently the route we were walking was part of the "National Walking Loop" We basically followed that until it became too late and we turned back.

This was out first stop. It was an old house completely overgrow with vines and trees. It was too much for us to go inside unfortunately.

This house was nearly impossible to get to. There were just bushed and prickers surrounding the place, and we almost just didn't want to try. However we covered the thorns with some sticks and just hacked our way through. And it was a good thing because this place was such a treasure. It had to of been recently abandoned because it was still full of stuff, where as most of the other old houses are empty. There was a mixture of new and old things too, including a 2000 calendar. It was really amazing to just rummage through all the stuff and learn about whoever lived there.

I believe it was a woman named Mary and maybe her family? She was definitely a religious woman as there were plenty of things from the church and missionary papers laying around. She also had a dog and was definitely an Irish woman, as there was a picture of the pope inside. (No Irish home is complete without the pope!)

This was our final abandoned house for the day. As you can see there's no roof and most of the walls are crumbling. This is how most of the old houses are around here.

The vines growing in and out of the stones of the walls.

We ended up near the Ailwee Caves and decided to check it out. Honestly, the caves themselves were pretty dull and not really worth it. But the Birds of Prey was definitely awesome.

We got there just in time to see the end of the flying show, and I got to see an owl fly! It was so awesome. I love owls. It was funny though because this owl was supposed to fly to this little boys arm to get some food, but he was just sitting there on his post not even looking at the instructor for a good while. It was kinda funny.

He looked right at me for this photo. We definitely had a moment.

Next he brought out some falcons. They were pretty adorable with their hoods on. They need them because falcon's eyes are pretty superior to human eyes. They can see UV light that we can't see, and if he brought him out without the hood he would just take off. Eventually he took the hood off and had the bird try and catch this little fake bird on a string. The bird would just dive over our heads and just come out of no where. It was pretty incredible how fast these things can go. Especially when food is involved.

After the flying show, we walked around and looked at the collection of birds they have. SO MANY OWLS. It was SO awesome seeing all the different kinds! They were all just so cute.

The Barn Owl is definitely my favorite. They're so pretty with their little heart shaped faces and big black eyes!

He puffed up just as I was taking the picture.

The vulture was so big. Just sitting there lurking at everyone as the passed by. I picture vultures as the grumpy old men who just wants their dinner of the bird community.

This owl was inside of some room, behind glass instead of a cage like the others. Not to sure why. But he was so cute. I guess they puff up to try and be intimidating. I didn't see it puff up, but I can't picture it being intimidating because he's just so dang cute.

After the birds, we went to wait for the tour of the caves. Unfortunately it was Kaetlyn and I as well as 2 other busses full of people. So it was a pretty big group, and everyone had to stop and take pictures of EVERYTHING. It made the tour really irritating. Not to mention the caves themselves were just...caves. It would of been cool if the tour guide didn't just ramble off stuff you could of just looked up on the internet. But oh well. After the caves, we were debating continuing the loop, but it was already pretty late and we weren't sure how much longer the loop was. So we just turned back and walked home. That was until we ran into Martina, who works in the cafe at school and she offered us a lift. Which was really nice of her. Pretty convenient she lived on the road we were walking down. All in all it was a really good day.