every time i start an entry i always feel like i have so much to say, but it always just comes out as pathetic rants or just boring sentences about what i've been doing lately. it's like i just can't find the words to properly say how i'm feeling or how i'm doing, so i resort back to the boring and the pathetic. it's starting to drive me crazy really. i can feel it all building it up inside, but i end up sitting here just staring at the screen as the little cursor blinks waiting for me to start typing. it's just funny because i remember once being so good as expressing how i was feeling. i was able to just write it all out and it'd be exactly what was in my head. but now i feel this disconnect from my head and the rest of me. disconnect. that's exactly what it is. not even a disconnect from me and everything/one else. but me from what i was. how i used to be. it's like i'm at this completely different stage in my life, and i'm completely enjoying every minute of it. but i miss the way i used to think. i felt like i was much more....poetic. for lack of a better term. i don't know. something is missing. but i don't feel like i'm explain myself well at all. so i'll just end it here and head off to the pub. goodnight, blog.