i feel bad that among all my peers here who are missing home and ready to see their friends and family again, i am not one of them. everyday i am reminded of how much people miss certain things about home and how they can't wait to see those things again. yet when i try and think of something i can't wait to see again...nothing comes to mind. it's not that i don't miss anything, but i am incredibly content with being here, in fact i'm more than content. i just wish i was more excited to go home, because i have feeling when the time does come for everyone to leave, i'm going to be a mess. god i'm going to miss everything and everyone here so much.

in other somewhat related news, i'm working on a new series in which i am calling "Maybe if I disguise myself as one of them, I'll never have to leave." Last night i made 4 plaster animal masks in which i will wear and put myself in the habitats of said animals. I also plan to take these masks home and make a series called "Maybe if I disguise myself as one of them, I can pretend to be there"

that's all for now.

What I've learned tonight: without my medication (which I haven't taken in the past 2 days due to being sick) I'm a constant over thinker and I notice every fucking detail there is. Which is both a good and bad thing. Obviously more bad than good as I'm making sure I take my meds tomorrow. I just wish the good can travel on through the meds. I really enjoyed some of the thoughts and moments I noticed tonight.

Anyway, I'm going to listen to one ore Murder by Death song and call it a night.

"Don't be sad it's over, be happy that it happened"

So Happy Easter everyone. Unfortunately for me I got some sort of stomach virus/flu thing on friday which had me pretty much bedridden until today. Yesterday when I went to bed I thought I would be alright today, and when I woke up I was okay. I walked to the craft fair with Kaetlyn and Katie, bought a couple postcards, browsed Spar (local convenient store) and just as we were going to leave, my stomach starts acting funny. We walked back and as soon as we did I hit the bathroom. And maybe it's too much info, but let's just say me and that toilet got to know each other quite well. It sucks because there's this horse race out on Boston (yes, there's a Boston in Ireland) and I wanted to go because I've never been to one. But I didn't want to go and have my stomach act up again. See it was a catch 22, I knew if I were to go, my stomach would act up and I'd be miserable. But if I stayed I would feel okay and regret not going. But I'd rather be safe than sorry so I stayed behind. So now I'm in this house all by myself and I'm going to try to make the best of it and hope my stomach doesn't disagree with me anymore today.

In other news, I have less than a month left here. And I don't want to go too much into that because just the thought of leaving here makes me incredibly upset. But I will say this has been the best experience both for my art work, and just for my personal being in general. I honestly needed this more than anything and I am so glad it went so incredibly perfectly. Every experience, every moment, every person I've met, every relationship that did or did not happen, everything. Just perfect. I know a few people are itching to go home and see their friends and family and what not. And I miss those things as well, but I've found within my life I'm always trying to find that perfect escape. I'm always running from where I am because I'm never happy there. And I'm always looking for a place that's just incredibly beautiful, full of people I know care about me and where I fit it. And I know this is going to be so fucking cliche and whatever, but I honestly believe this is that place I've been looking for literally my whole life. And now that I have to leave it makes me so sad. I know I'm never going to be able to find a place like this again and I know when I leave I'm going to be wishing every place I'm in was like this. But it won't be. However, maybe that's what's supposed to happen. Life isn't supposed to be perfect. Nothing is. That's just how it goes and I'm going to have to accept that. Which is alright. At least I got to experience something so perfect at least for a little while. And I'll always have those memories, and experiences and I hope to god I won't loose touch with all the incredible people here. Even if I do though, at least I got to have them as a friend for now. Ya know? I hope so.

Like that cliche little quote "Don't be sad it's over, be happy that it happened"