I'm a terrible blogger.

Gas Station

I think it's funny that I can talk up a storm to anyone willing to listen about how great Ireland was. And I'll tell all these stories that I'm probably the only one that finds them funny because they're the "it's hilarious but you had to be there" kind of joke. But I try and type up a blog entry about it and I seem to be drawing a blank.

Emo Gas Station

I guess I'll just start with this photo. It's of Emo gas station (yes that's the real name) in Ballyvaughan, Ireland. This little place holds a ridiculous amount of memories as it's conveniently located right at the beginning of the street I lived on. It's also the place where we meet up with another house to get pick up by Brian and the bus. Brian was our main bus driver for the 4 months there and the bus was mainly this giant tour bus. A lot of time was spent on this bus. A lot of the kids got so annoyed with being on it so much over time, but I never got sick of it. The bus rides, to be honest, were one of my favorite and most missed things about Ireland. And Emo gas station is where those little adventures always start. I guess the introvert in me who will always have a soft spot for solitude loved them because there were only 30 of us and this huge bus so it was always easy to have your own seat. Those who wanted to sit with someone did, and those who didn't...didn't. Most of the time I didn't. Most of the time I was somewhere near the front sitting by a window with my knees on the seat in front of me. I always bring my iPod so I could just tune everything around me out and stare out the window. I would secretly get so excited for bus rides because in those moments I'm able to not only realize and comprehend what was currently happening in my life at that moment, but I was able to enjoy it. I was able to just sit back and relax and enjoy the fact that I was on a bus, listening to my favorite song, surrounded by people I consider friends and staring out at these irish landscapes that just look like one postcard after another. I think if I could have anything I felt or experience in Ireland again, it would be the feeling I felt in those moments.

Sometimes it looked as if the sky went on forever. 

Connemara Mountains from the bus window.

My reflection on somewhere in Connemara.

it honestly just keeps feeling more and more like a dream every day.

I haven't updated this in a long time. since my last post, i've finished my semester at the Burren College of Art. I've sold a print at the end of the semester exhibit (guess that makes me a professional photographer now, hah), I've said goodbye to my new friends as we all went our separate ways (and I miss them a lot), my parents and brother (despite all the road blocks in our way) came to Ireland to visit and we spent a week just being together and exploring/experiencing/and enjoying ireland, We flew back to the states, then I went to Cleveland for a little less than a week, saw some old friends, went to some graduating students BFA reviews, and then came home to North Tonawanda. This past week I've seen some family, hung out with good friends, and have been a lazy piece of shit otherwise (no-really. I haven't done anything productive, sad I know) And minus a few details, that's pretty much it.

Maybe this summer I'll try and come up with a steady blog update schedule so this thing will be used regularly. then again I always say that and then just forget/become lazy/or procrastinate to the point where it's months before i post anything. so i guess we'll just see how it goes.

i feel bad that among all my peers here who are missing home and ready to see their friends and family again, i am not one of them. everyday i am reminded of how much people miss certain things about home and how they can't wait to see those things again. yet when i try and think of something i can't wait to see again...nothing comes to mind. it's not that i don't miss anything, but i am incredibly content with being here, in fact i'm more than content. i just wish i was more excited to go home, because i have feeling when the time does come for everyone to leave, i'm going to be a mess. god i'm going to miss everything and everyone here so much.

in other somewhat related news, i'm working on a new series in which i am calling "Maybe if I disguise myself as one of them, I'll never have to leave." Last night i made 4 plaster animal masks in which i will wear and put myself in the habitats of said animals. I also plan to take these masks home and make a series called "Maybe if I disguise myself as one of them, I can pretend to be there"

that's all for now.

What I've learned tonight: without my medication (which I haven't taken in the past 2 days due to being sick) I'm a constant over thinker and I notice every fucking detail there is. Which is both a good and bad thing. Obviously more bad than good as I'm making sure I take my meds tomorrow. I just wish the good can travel on through the meds. I really enjoyed some of the thoughts and moments I noticed tonight.

Anyway, I'm going to listen to one ore Murder by Death song and call it a night.

"Don't be sad it's over, be happy that it happened"

So Happy Easter everyone. Unfortunately for me I got some sort of stomach virus/flu thing on friday which had me pretty much bedridden until today. Yesterday when I went to bed I thought I would be alright today, and when I woke up I was okay. I walked to the craft fair with Kaetlyn and Katie, bought a couple postcards, browsed Spar (local convenient store) and just as we were going to leave, my stomach starts acting funny. We walked back and as soon as we did I hit the bathroom. And maybe it's too much info, but let's just say me and that toilet got to know each other quite well. It sucks because there's this horse race out on Boston (yes, there's a Boston in Ireland) and I wanted to go because I've never been to one. But I didn't want to go and have my stomach act up again. See it was a catch 22, I knew if I were to go, my stomach would act up and I'd be miserable. But if I stayed I would feel okay and regret not going. But I'd rather be safe than sorry so I stayed behind. So now I'm in this house all by myself and I'm going to try to make the best of it and hope my stomach doesn't disagree with me anymore today.

In other news, I have less than a month left here. And I don't want to go too much into that because just the thought of leaving here makes me incredibly upset. But I will say this has been the best experience both for my art work, and just for my personal being in general. I honestly needed this more than anything and I am so glad it went so incredibly perfectly. Every experience, every moment, every person I've met, every relationship that did or did not happen, everything. Just perfect. I know a few people are itching to go home and see their friends and family and what not. And I miss those things as well, but I've found within my life I'm always trying to find that perfect escape. I'm always running from where I am because I'm never happy there. And I'm always looking for a place that's just incredibly beautiful, full of people I know care about me and where I fit it. And I know this is going to be so fucking cliche and whatever, but I honestly believe this is that place I've been looking for literally my whole life. And now that I have to leave it makes me so sad. I know I'm never going to be able to find a place like this again and I know when I leave I'm going to be wishing every place I'm in was like this. But it won't be. However, maybe that's what's supposed to happen. Life isn't supposed to be perfect. Nothing is. That's just how it goes and I'm going to have to accept that. Which is alright. At least I got to experience something so perfect at least for a little while. And I'll always have those memories, and experiences and I hope to god I won't loose touch with all the incredible people here. Even if I do though, at least I got to have them as a friend for now. Ya know? I hope so.

Like that cliche little quote "Don't be sad it's over, be happy that it happened"